In the
Here is my explanation:
About nine years ago now (my how time flies), a friend from High School introduced me to a girl/woman that he and his girlfriend knew. She seemed like a nice enough girl (I’d have to dig into my old journals– the paper kind, not the live/dead kind!– to remember all the details.) but had been through some rough times, including an ex-boyfriend who beat her up. About two weeks after I met her, I “rushed home” (we lived in different cities, she in my home town) to comfort her because this guy had beaten her up again… she was black-and-blue, and he was in jail for the weekend!
To make a long story short, I was/am a Nice Guy, and I treated her with love and respect. I remember overhearing a phone conversation she had with a girlfriend, saying that with me she was really beginning to believe she was a Worthy Human Being.
The sad part is that due to the physical distance I was never able to complete the good work I was doing. Eventually, she threw me over to go back to and marry the abusive bastard!
It was because of her that I can’t get into the BDSM scene. I know, intellectually, there is a difference between playing in the BDSM scene and the reality of an abusive relationship. But emotionally, I can’t separate the two aspects.
My partner must be my equal: I can’t and won’t be submissive to her whims, and I can’t and won’t be dominant over her. (Although there has been one relationship in recent years where I could see myself becoming more dominant over her, but only because she was almost a spineless limp noodle!)
In fact, now that I think of it, I’m going to dig into the archives of The Jourardian for the story about my “psycho ex-“!
