Last weekend, a friend of mine had to go to a wedding reception for someone that her husband works with. Apparently, the bride and groom are both evangelical bible-thumper types, both in their mid-20s, and both virgins until their wedding (and probably for some time after?!). The reception was done up in a Hawaiian theme**, and guest were instructed to come in appropriate Hawaiian clothing. But Loud Hawaiian Drinking Shirts were not appropriate, because the affair was ALSO supposed to be DRY (i.e. no booze for youse)!
** This must be the Theme of the Year, as just last month I went to a Hawaiian-themed birthday party for a two-year-old!
This is a partial account of her adventure. [The names have been removed to protect the guilty on the extremely off-chance that the innocent should stumble upon this account!]
I thought for sure I had told you about the Hawaiian bloody wedding we had to go to! It was one of my husband’s crew, that’s the only reason we went, or were even invited for that matter. The guy is 26, and the girl is 24, and way too young for me to hang out with… eeek! You should have heard her speech… full of “like”, and “amazing”, and “so I go”… talk about bring me a bucket…
Plus, you could tell they totally loved themselves, it was sickening. There were huge pictures of them (the actual wedding day was a few weeks earlier), plastered up all over the place, then they showed some video they had made of themselves being sort of interviewed. It was really gross. I was outside drinking at that point, but I could see the video through the door, and I kept yelling “bring me a bucket”, luckily I don’t think any thumpers heard me! My husband was the only person from the department inside watching the video!!
You know I can barely tolerate thumpers at the best of times, but hypocritical thumpers are even worse! I couldn’t believe the groom’s father’s speech! He was going on about how glad he was God was in the groom’s and bride’s lives, and that he knew they would always put God first, themselves second and everyone else third… what the hell is with that?! I leaned over and whispered to one of the other wives: “I thought good Christians were supposed to put everyone else before themselves and actually be a little considerate of other people”!! A couple of thumpers turned around and looked at me, and I was thinking the whole time “fuck-you, you fucking bastards, they only use religion when it suits them, so they can gloat and feel self-righteous and completely vindicated when they’re nasty to their fellow human beings”, etc., etc., etc.!!! Bastards!!!!
That’s just a small example of what the evening was like… eeek!!
L.
