{"id":393,"date":"2003-05-13T18:44:00","date_gmt":"2003-05-13T18:44:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/?p=393"},"modified":"2003-05-13T18:44:00","modified_gmt":"2003-05-13T18:44:00","slug":"in-todays-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/2003-05\/393-in-todays-news","title":{"rendered":"In today’s news…"},"content":{"rendered":"

In today’s news, from the CBC:<\/a>
\nWriting great literature no monkey business<\/font><\/p>\n

LONDON – Professional and aspiring writers can relax, knowing that not even a great editor would be able to save the copy produced by a group of monkeys in Britain.
\n  A group of students and professors at the University of Plymouth set up an experiment to test the idea that an infinite number of monkeys<\/b><\/font>, working on an <\/font>infinite number of typewriters<\/b><\/font>, would eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare.<\/font>
\n  Six Sulawesi crested macaques<\/b><\/font> at the Paignton Zoo were set up with a <\/font>single computer<\/b><\/font> for a month.<\/font><\/p>\n

If nothing else, the study managed to redefine the term “infinite<\/b>“!<\/p>\n

\n

And this courtesy one of the people on my trivia team… it’s probably making the rounds anyway.<\/p>\n

Jewish Haiku<\/font><\/p>\n

After the warm rain
\nthe sweet smell of camellias.
\nDid you wipe your feet?<\/p>\n

\nToday I am a man.
\nTomorrow I will return
\nto the seventh grade.<\/p>\n

\nHer lips near my ear,
\nAunt Sadie whispers the name
\nof her friend’s disease.<\/p>\n
\nLooking for pink buds
\nto prune, the old moyel
\nwanders among his flowers.<\/p>\n
\nHarsh Scrabble discord—
\nsomeone has placed “putz<\/i>head” on
\na triple word score.<\/p>\n
\nTesting the warm milk
\non her wrist, she sighs softly.
\nBut her son is forty.<\/p>\n
\nThe sparkling blue sea
\nreminds me to wait an hour
\nafter my sandwich.<\/p>\n
\nTea ceremony—
\nfragrant steam perfumes the air.
\nTry the cheese Danish.<\/p>\n
\nLacking fins or tail
\nthe gefilte fish swims with
\ngreat difficulty.<\/p>\n
\nYom Kippur— Forgive
\nme, Lord, for the Mercedes
\nand all that lobster.<\/p>\n
\nMy nature journal —
\ntoday, I saw some trees and birds.
\nI should know the names?<\/p>\n
\nLike a bonsai tree,
\nyour terrible posture at
\nmy dinner table.<\/p>\n
\nBeyond Valium
\nthe peace of knowing one’s child
\nis an internist.<\/p>\n
\nJews on safari —
\nmap, compass, elephant gun,
\nhard sucking candies.<\/p>\n
\nCoroner’s report —
\n“The deceased, wearing no hat,
\ncaught his death of cold.”<\/p>\n
\nThe same kimono
\nthe top geishas are wearing:
\ngot it at Loehmann’s.<\/p>\n
\nThe sparrow brings home
\ntoo many worms for her young.
\n“Force yourself,” she chirps.<\/p>\n
\nJewish triathlon:
\ngin rummy, then contract bridge,
\nfollowed by a nap.<\/p>\n
\n“Can’t you just leave it?”
\nthe new Jewish mother asks –
\numbilical cord.<\/p>\n
\nThe shivah<\/i> visit:
\nso sorry about your loss.
\nNow back to my problems.<\/p>\n
\nOur youngest daughter,
\nour most precious jewel.
\nHence the name, Tiffany.<\/p>\n
\nMom, please! There is no
\nneed to put that dinner roll
\nin your pocketbook.<\/p>\n
\nSeven-foot Jews in
\nthe NBA slam-dunking!
\nMy alarm clock rings.<\/p>\n
\nConcert of car horns
\nas we debate the question
\nof when to change lanes.<\/p>\n
\nSorry I’m not home
\nto take your call. At the tone
\nplease state your bad news<\/p>\n
\nIs one Nobel Prize
\nso much to ask from a child
\nafter all I’ve done?<\/p>\n
\nToday, mild shvitzing<\/i>.
\nTomorrow, so hot you’ll plotz<\/i>.
\nFive-day forecast: feh<\/i><\/p>\n
\nLeft the door open.
\nfor the Prophet Elijah.
\nNow our cat is gone.<\/p>\n
\nYenta. Shmeer. Gevalt.
\nShlemiel. Shlimazl. Tochis.
\nOy<\/i>! To be fluent!<\/p>\n
\nQuietly murmured
\nat Saturday services,
\nYanks 5, Red Sox 3.<\/p>\n
\nHard to tell under
\nthe lights—white Yarmulke<\/i> or
\nmale-pattern baldness<\/p>\n
\nA lovely nose ring —
\nexcuse me while I put my
\nhead in the oven.<\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In today’s news, from the CBC: Writing great literature no monkey business LONDON – Professional and aspiring writers can relax, knowing that not even a great editor would be able to save the copy produced by a group of monkeys … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=393"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/badinage.com\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}