Age, a Funny Thing
(by George Carlin?)
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is
when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about
aging that you think in fractions. How old are you? "I'm four and a half."
You're never 36 and a half. You're four and a half going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You
jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be
12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens: you become 21. Even the words
sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21. YES!
But then you TURN 30. Ooohhh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad
milk. He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.
What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING
40. Stay over there, it's all slipping away.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your
dreams are gone.
Then you MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you'd make it!
So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT
to 60. Then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!
After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday. You get
into your 80s, you HIT lunch. You TURN 4:30. My grandmother won't even buy
green bananas. It's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s you start going backwards. "I was
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little
kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!!"
This simulated Netscape news message was created by
Mike Jourard using
from cranial software, and Netscape Navigator Version 1.2N, because Netscape does some automatic formatting of news messages, and they never look as good when they are viewed from a saved file. So there.
Last modified on June 30, 2000. Copyright © 2000 by Badinage Publications. All rights reserved.