“Welcome to my world”


by Mike Jourard.
Loyalist Pioneer, Loyalist College, Belleville, Ontario.       Vol. 13, No. 5, November 30, 1982.

Welcome to my world. It is a world of fantasy. It is a world within a world, where I am God, and the dreamer is king. It is a perfect world, where one can have anything one’s heart desires, regardless of the cost or consequences. It is the world of the word. I am the author, the creator.

      My business card proclaims me to be a Poet/Author; Photographer; Filmmaker. The running joke was that if I were to include on my card everything I claim to be, it would need to be a metre long. A very good friend of mine, also in the same predicament, came up with a solution by merely claiming to be a creative genius.

      To this I must agree. In my world, there is NOTHING that I cannot do. No deed too dangerous, no project too costly, no love unconquerable. It is the ultimate ego trip. In my world, I am the best at EVERYTHING.

      The word is a powerful tool. Let us examine the propaganda of war. Mere words are honed to such a degree as to engage one people against another in mortal conflict. To this, Winston Churchill said: “Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.”

      What is the difference between a friend and a fiend? One little letter, and the word takes on a new meaning. Take for example, something that is obvious. Add two little letters, and it becomes oblivious.

      I know this power, and abhor its abuse. A look through the Toronto Yellow Pages reveals the most disgusting bastardizations of this great language of ours. Companies, in their striving for individuality, recreate our language in their own morbid image. I cringe everytime I see places like Fotomat, Krazy Krust Pastries, Kwik Foto.

      What makes me really sick are words describing homosexuals. Beautiful words have been perverted in such a way that no person with respect for the language dare use them. Whatever happened to the days when it was common for a young man to be carefree and gay? Do you remember when queer, faggot, fag, fruit, flit, fairy, pansy and queen meant strange, a bundle of twigs, drudgery, vegetable products, to fly lightly, a small supernatural being with magical powers, a flowering plant and a monarch, respectively and respectfully?

      Although winter is nigh upon us, it appears that spring is in the air. “In the spring a young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love.” (Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1842) At least four couples I know have announced that they shall be joined in wedlock. (Not all four together, of course!) In the past, the friends of the groom-to-be have held wild soirees to symbolize the end of a young man’s days of gallivanting. These parties were commonly called stags, and all present, save the nubile young thing who popped out of the large cardboard cake, were male.

      In this day of equal rights, my female friends think that the bride-to-be should be thrown a party of equal style where all present, save the gorgeous young hunk who pops out of large cardboard cake, are female. I think it is a great idea, but the problem remains as to what to call these parties.

      The stag party gets its name from the adult male red deer, or stag. Therefore, the female equivalent party should get its name from the female equivalent deer. The problem is that the female red deer is called a hind. Would you want go to a hind party? I think it would be allowable in this case to take an indirect equivalent from the fallow deer, the female of which is called a doe. This means that the bride-to-be should be thrown doe party. The suggestion that the party be called a staggette is not a valid one, as staggette is a diminutive form of stag, not an equivalent.

      It really doesn’t matter to me what they are called, except for the sake of argument. Until such time as I feel ready to convince that special lady that a doe party should be thrown for her, I’m going to remain as carefree and gay as ever.

    The Pioneer is published as a practical exercise by print journalism students. Opinions expressed in the Pioneer are not necessarily those of the College administration.

Publisher—Gerald Wishart
Managing Editor—Jerry Frank, journalism master
Chief Photo Editor—John Peterson, photography master
Advertising Manager—Paul Gaudet, advertising master

Editor—Mike Jourard
Associate Editor—Nicole Fortier
Photo Editor—Anita Thompson
Advertising Production Manager—Robin Tinney
Assistant Manager—Duncan Burke

This web page is maintained by Mike Jourard using HTML Notepad from cranial software.
Last modified on December 3, 1995. Converted to dot-com web site on February 18, 2000. Copyright © 1995,2000 by Badinage Publications. All rights reserved.