Life’s Golden Rules

From Ann Landers’ column, Toronto Star, July 23, 1983.

Dear Ann Landers:
Several years ago you printed some “golden rules” guaranteed to make life easier. I kept that column under my dresser glass for ages. It disappeared after a party last week. Can you imagine? Some guest liked it so much he or she took it!
Please print that column again. My teenagers are getting out of hand. The first line was, “If you open it, close it.” —Constant Weeder

Dear Constant Weeder:
Here it is. And this time, glue it to the dresser.

  1. If you open it, close it.
  2. If you turn it on, turn it off.
  3. If you unlock it, lock it up.
  4. If you break it, admit it.
  5. If you can’t fix it, call in someone who can.
  6. If you borrow it, return it.
  7. If you value it, take care of it.
  8. If make a mess, clean it up.
  9. If you move it, put it back.
  10. If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, get permission.
  11. If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone.
  12. If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions.
  13. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
  14. lf it will brighten someone’s day—SAY IT!

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Last modified on May 28, 1996. Converted to dot-com web site on February 18, 2000. Copyright © 1996,2000 by Badinage Publications. All rights reserved.